Caring from Long Distance. The New Normal for Caregivers.

The old model of staying in the same area, city or even the same house, to look after aging parents has shifted as our lives and careers spread us across different time zones and areas/countries

For better or worse, “caring from afar” is now the new normal. And most of us are caring for parents/in-laws/grandparents and maybe even siblings.

It’s not something most of us plan for. We leave home, build lives of our own, and don’t give much thought to what might happen if, one day, our parents need help. Then it happens, suddenly, and we find ourselves navigating the challenges of long-distance caregiving. Distance is relative. Whether you're 200 miles away or 20,000, it's still remote caregiving

Most ex-pats know the fear of the “phone call” in the middle of the night. We all know that one day we may get that call. I was prepared for that call. I was not prepared for Dementia.

In the past, people would have expected you to be physically there, living with them and doing your duty as a family member. But the reality for many of us now is that we simply can’t do that any more. Balancing careers, families, and our own lives makes it difficult to stay nearby.

Unlike those before us, who lived close to family and expected to look after aging and sick relatives, we’re lucky to have technology and that makes caregiving from a distance manageable. From video calls to cameras and safety monitoring apps, there are countless ways we can support our parents even if we’re miles away. But even with these tools, caregiving from afar can feel like a juggling act.

It's not easy. In fact, if you're not careful you can destroy yourself (yup, talking about myself).

So many people need to get on board and help us caregivers.

Example: NHS. Local doctors - I can’t tell you how many times they looked down their noses at me and dismissed my care for Ma. (I go into detail in My Journey blog).

It wasn’t just the medical field, though. People I knew—“friends” and “family,” whether distant or close—had their say. They always had their say.

But I had no choice. No one else was stepping up. The “help” was people lecturing and judging.

And I love proving people wrong.

The reality is that technology can’t replicate everything. Can we video call to check in? Sure. Can we touch that person and make everything okay if they are crying? No. It’s not the same as being there in person, but you can make it as close as possible. Being "there" and seeing my face on video would give Ma such a comfort.

The cameras let me see everything. Part-time carers did their part, with constant prodding and correction from me. Motion lights made the house cozier. One touch big button phones called me directly at any time. Timers turned the TV and lights on and off as needed. Dementia clocks reminded us to take meds and leave for church. All gadgets. All tech. All easy to install.

My Ma was not tech-savvy. At all. But I put all these things in place, and gradually, she began to enjoy them. I made everything easy for her. Why wouldn’t I? I just needed everyone ese to leave everything as is.

Caring from long-distance requires a different mindset—and, sometimes, a whole new set of skills. I always say that if I had stayed in Scotland, I would never have fallen in love with technology and all the amazing things it can do. So I'm really glad I left.

You become not just a caregiver but also a kind of “project manager” for your loved one’s well-being—navigating doctors’ appointments, coordinating medications, and keeping tabs on their day-to-day needs. And let me tell you, it’s the hardest project I’ve ever worked on.

It’s also an ongoing learning process. You have to adjust and adapt. Mobile phone goes missing? Fine, get a tracker. Tracker gets tossed aside? Great, find a way to sew it into a handbag or pocket. If they’re hiding things you can’t find, you provide the hiding places so you know where to look. There's a solution for most things.

We can do this. You can do this.

No matter what people say (and they will). Caregiving from afar doesn’t mean you love your parent less. It’s actually filled with tons of love, dedication, and sacrifice—and it still honours the values of family support.

So, if you find yourself on this path, know that you’re not alone. Far from it, in fact—you’re part of a growing “new normal,” and together, we’re learning how to care across the miles.