Caring from Afar. The New Normal for Caregivers.

The old model of staying in the same area, city or even the same country, to look after aging parents has shifted as our lives and careers spread us across different time zones and areas/countries.

For better or worse, “caring from afar” is now the new normal. And most of us are or will be caring for parents/in-laws/grandparents and maybe even siblings.

It’s not something most of us plan for. We leave home, build lives of our own, and don’t give much thought to what might happen if, one day, our parents need help. Then it happens, suddenly, and we find ourselves navigating the challenges of long-distance caregiving. Distance is relative. Whether you're 60 miles away or 6000, it's still remote caregiving.

Most ex-pats know the fear of the “phone call” in the middle of the night. We all know that one day we may get that call. I was prepared for that call. I was not prepared for dementia.

In the past, people would have expected you to be physically there, living with them and doing your duty as a family member. But the reality for many of us now is that we simply can’t do that any more. Balancing careers, families, and our own lives makes it difficult to stay nearby.

Unlike those before us, who lived close to family and expected to look after aging and sick relatives, we’re lucky to have technology and that makes caregiving from a distance manageable. From video calls to cameras and safety monitoring apps, there are so many ways we can support our loved ones, even if we’re miles away. But even with these tools, caregiving from afar can feel like a juggling act.

It's not easy. In fact, if you're not careful you can destroy yourself (yup, talking about myself). Sometimes the hardest part isn't the caregiving itself.

So many people need to get on board and help us caregivers.

Example: NHS. Social Workers. Local doctors - I can’t tell you how many times they looked down their noses at me and dismissed my care for my loved one. (I go into detail in another blog entry)

It wasn’t just the medical field, though. People I knew—“friends” and “family,” whether distant or close—had their say. They always had their say.

But I had no choice. No one else was stepping up. The “help” was people lecturing and judging.

And I love proving people wrong.

My ma was not tech-savvy. At all. But I put all these things in place, and gradually, she began to enjoy them. I made everything easy for her. Why wouldn’t I? I just needed everyone else to leave everything as is.

Caring from long-distance requires a different mindset—and, sometimes, a whole new set of skills. I always say that if I had stayed in Scotland, I would never have fallen in love with technology and all the amazing things it can do.

I became not just a caregiver but also a kind of “project manager” for my loved one’s well-being—navigating doctors’ appointments, coordinating medications, arranging carers when they don't turn up, and keeping tabs on her day-to-day needs. And above all, keeping her dignity, comfort and safety. And let me tell you, it’s the hardest project I’ve ever worked on.

The reality is that technology can’t replicate everything. Can we video call to check in? Sure. Can we touch that person and make everything okay if they are crying? No. It’s not the same as being there in person, but you can make it as close as possible when there is no other option. Being "there" was seeing my face on video and would give my loved one such a comfort.

The cameras let me see everything.

Motion lights made the house cozier.

One touch big button phones called me directly at any time.

Timers turned the lights on and off as needed.

Dementia clocks reminded us to take meds and leave for church.

All gadgets. All tech. All easy to install.

It’s also an ongoing learning process. You have to adjust and adapt. Mobile phone goes missing? Fine, get a tracker. Tracker gets tossed aside? Great, find a way to sew it into a handbag or pocket. Carers visiting - cameras galore! There's a solution for most things.

We can do this. You can do this.

No matter what people say (and they will). Caregiving from afar doesn’t mean you love your parent less. It’s actually filled with tons of love, dedication, and sacrifice—and it still honours the values of family support.

So, if you find yourself on this path, know that you’re not alone. Far from it, in fact—you’re part of a growing “new normal,” and together, we’re learning how to care across the miles.

The blog shares my experiences. The handbook shows you exactly what I put in place to keep my mum safe and help me care from another country. Find out more here