About Me  -  navigating the never-ending journey of keeping my mother, who has dementia, safe from halfway across the world.

​There are a few sayings that I've repeated to myself over the past several years—words that have helped me hold on to my sanity... somewhat...  One is from Helen Keller: 'Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much.' Another is Winston Churchill's famous line: 'If you're going through hell, keep going.' And finally, 'Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.'

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I’ve been caring for my mama with Alzheimer’s Dementia from halfway across the world. She lives in the UK, and I’m in the USA. I’ve managed her care remotely for over 4 years now.

I created this website to document my journey and to help others navigate the extremely challenging path of caring for someone with dementia. I created it so we can help each other. 

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I struggled so much and it's a long, lonely, brutal road being a caregiver.

There was no support for long-distance caregiving—no help from healthcare or government, and no forums focused on it. I was on my own, with no support from those around me. People told me it wasn’t possible, but I refused to accept that.

Many suggested I move closer, give up my job and suck it up as it was my "duty".

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I researched and researched and called Age Scotland and Alzheimer's Scotland and NHS and, and, and... nothing. "Oh um, it's never been done..." they would say. Every corner I turned - brick wall. No steps forward at all, just all backwards. 

So, I had to accept the challenge of keeping Mama at home—safe, comfortable, and independent. It’s not easy. When it works, it’s brilliant. When it doesn’t, I collapse, sob uncontrollably, lose hope, and question everything. Then, I pick myself up and get ready to fight again. 

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Dementia is tough—mama doesn't realise she had/has it and believed she could manage on her own. Over the past four years, I’ve found ways to make her life easier (and mine) without making her feel dependent.

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First, I love gadgets. I love anything that can make life easier. Before dementia, I slowly introduced a new gadget each time I came to the house, with rolling eyes from everyone around me. I understood this - they were not used to it. I first introduced a jar opener with a grip, about 20 years ago - mama loved it and used it all the time. Others would comment, oh where did you get this? I then installed pull out drawers to ooohs and ahhs. Mama was in her 80's and I wanted to make life easier for for her. So I introduced lots more.

Caring is difficult, and from afar, even more so, but gadgets and technology can help. From simple phone adjustments to voice-activated devices, I can suggest ways to keep your loved ones independent at home. It can be manageable with the right resources and technology, even if you’re not tech-savvy. Don’t be afraid of technology. If you can turn on your cell phone, you’re 98% there!

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Those who have been through it (caring for a PWD) or are going through it will completely understand what I’m aiming for. I’ve often heard, 'I’m 300 miles away, how do I make sure my loved one is okay?' I’ve shown them this site, and it becomes clear to them. What I’ve realised is, unless you’re going through this, you’re just not going to get it.

Then there are the questions from those who haven’t experienced caring for a loved one with dementia: 'But, why the red toilet seat?' 'I don’t understand—why can’t they tell the time if it’s right there?' 'It seems like overkill,' "I just don't see it working..." and on and on

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Well my aim is to improve independent living, make support more flexible and spread the word about the tech that's out there to help those who need care. Also, letting a caregiver breath, which as you know it's very hard to do when you feel like you're stuck in quicksand.  It’s frustrating, but also invaluable for peace of mind when it works. I started with 2 wee cameras. I could see her. But I realised it was frustrating for Mama to NOT see me. 

All the tech and gadgets I’ve put in have been fantastic in maintaining connections between us. This is also great as you wait to find carers or social services help, or simply wanting to "feel" close no matter how far you are.

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Please bear in mind that all these purchases were made over the course of four years. A lot was trial and error. I tried different products, saw what worked, and made adjustments as I went along when they stopped working. I took care of my mother from a long distance for that time and these items made it easier for me to ensure she was safe. Essentially, my goal was/is to keep my Mama, who has dementia, in her own home for as long as possible. 

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Everything seemed to happen all at once. My constant back-and-forth trips between the US and the UK were incredibly stressful. I can't stress enough how many times I flew halfway across the world just to fix an Alexa portal or arrange a doctor’s appointment. Trying to do so from overseas I was constantly facing long wait times for emergency consultations in the UK.

Despite having a great job, it would not accommodate my situation as a caregiver. None of the companies do (that's another battle). Whilst they offered childcare and maternity/paternity leave, my need to work from overseas to care for my mama was not even acknowledged. This lack of support ultimately led to me losing my job, and finding employment that understands the needs of caregivers is nearly impossible now.

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I've also developed a lot of health issues, mainly due to stress and trying to manage everything on my own. I’m sure you've heard it a dozen times—'You have to take care of yourself.' Great, thanks, but how exactly do I do that? There's rarely any follow-up to that advice, have you noticed?  That’s another reason for this site: to build a community where we can all support each other. Only those who’ve been through this truly understand how stressful it is. Whilst this site mainly focuses on dementia and caring from long distance, because that’s where my experience lies, anyone is welcome to join. 

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I don’t have medical advice or a degree in medicine, but I am an expert in taking care of MY mama from long distance.  If there’s one tip here that can help—brilliant. If more than one, even better.
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​Take a look at Dementia Friendly Products blog.  Share your experiences and how you've managed to care for your loved one on the caregivers support forum or the blog. We need to help each other if no-one else will.

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